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Virgin with rage

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Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage
Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age

 

 

So Need a Cute Girl

Virgin with rage is Chris's description of himself, being rendered helpless by this condition, his eternal virginity engenders frustration and rage.

Chris is very self-conscious about being a virgin, and frequently brings up the subject unprompted, even in casual conversation with somebody he has just met. However, after being advised by his parents that it's generally not a good idea to mention that he's a VIRGIN WITH RAGE, he stopped this practice,[1] one of the few times he has learned from his mistakes.

Hormonal rage

Chris is probably dimly aware of his eventual fate, that he is destined to be a virgin forever. Obviously, this much-repressed sexual drive, combined with the social ineptitude resulting from his autism, means that Chris is ready to snap at any point. Only mass debating keeps Chris from playing Counter-Strike IRL.

 
 
Sometimes I would want to touch her shoulder or back, feel her hair or give her a hug. I hold those urges back, because I care about her. And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself.
 

 

—Chris on Megan, Story of My Current Days

Despite his claims that he was "holding back", the emails with Megan paint a different picture, describing instances of him doing exactly what he says he wouldn't: touching her hair,[citation needed] touching her shoulder,[citation needed] giving her random and unwanted hugs, etc.[2][3]

In another instance, Chris attempted to kiss Emily by surprise, during an unusually generous hug. Thankfully, she was able to avoid it, and left unscarred.[4]

Likewise, Facebook correspondence between Chris and a young man named Joshua Alba revealed this pearl:

 
 
I've thought of a funny message for a Valentine's Day card. On the outside, "Please Be Mine," and on the inside, "My hormones are slam-banging, and I do not have a woman to put them in."

I am not a sex freak; I'm just lonesome and sometimes horny.
 


 

—Chris, Facebook messages, 10 January 2010[5]

Alba was doubtlessly traumatized.

References by Chris

  • "So Need a Cute Girl", a song which Chris recorded in August 2003, features the first known use of the term "virgin with rage."
  • Chris's letter to Nintendo Power about Sprung from the spring of 2004 concludes, "So thank you, Nintendo and Ubisoft, for the dating advice that this frustrated virgin needed."
  • The first issue of Sonichu's News Dash from 2004 featured Chris's poem "Saddest Heart in the World", where he whines repeatedly about his virginity and repeats some of the lyrics from "So Need a Cute Girl."
  • According to an entry in CWC's Diary from September 2004, Chris told his "Lonesome Virgin story" to a jerkop who interrupted his loitering at the mall.
  • After he lost Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown, Chris sent an angry e-mail to Sony, where he announced "YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "KICK THE AUTISTIC!" *sigh*"
  • Likewise, his PSN Blog update from after losing the contest includes the line "I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN."
  • In Chris's first video address of the post-ED era, Chris Chan's Public Announcement, he doesn't actually come out and bluntly announce that he's a virgin. CWC's Second Message, however, hammers the point home. There, Chris calls himself "the innocent, still 26-year-old virgin."
  • During his IRC fan chat from 26 October 2008, Chris billed his fictitious new girlfriend Chloe as his "VIRGIN-TAKER."
  • Chris's New Year's resolution for 2009, announced on IRC: "Lose my Virginity with a Woman." Like most people's New Year's resolutions, he failed to follow through.
  • While molesting his blow-up doll in the I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy video from 17 April 2009, Chris says, "Ivy, I promise you, I promise you my undying love and devotion, I promise you my heart, my soul, even my virginity..."
  • Chris's Wikipedia profile from May 2009 includes multiple references to his virginity.
  • In the CWC Trollin More video from 19 July 2009, Chris announced that he was "still a virgin," retracting one of the more obvious lies in the Rollin' and Trollin' video.
  • At the end of CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC, from 9 August 2009, Chris sums up his achievements in life (including his trip to Ohio) and says that "the—only thing—mark that's not been checked yet for a good life is the virgin-breaker."
  • One of Chris's posts on the Adult Swim forums was signed "Lonely Virgin in Virginia, searching for a Sweetheart-Soulmate."
  • In the Common Questions from 15 January 2010, a correspondent asked Chris why he was so fixated on sex. He answered, "Oh, I don't know, how about being a Frustrated Virgin?!"
  • Chris's plea for sex to Damian Antaria, uploaded 14 March 2010, features his standard whine about being "a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin."

Why Chris will never lose his virginity


Why Chris-Chan will never lose his virginity
Stardate 7 September 2009
Made By danicapayton
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

Sources

  1. Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_in_Person_.28From_THEIR_Point_of_View.29
  2. Megan Emails, 2008
  3. Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A#Chris_and_Megan
  4. Emily#Kiss_fail
  5. Facebook_messages#Other

See also

CWC-isms

Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Dating education | Gal pal | Heart level | Sweetheart | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: China | Comeuppance | Duck | Gaybian | Hanky-panky | Homos | Honest Content | Mass debating | Navy | Pickle | Raincoat | Recycling | Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | Women's rights

Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | Cherokian Clan | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fangs | Fuzzy-wuzzies | Honor roll | Mental Block | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Prickly-Wicklies | Random-access humor | Scale of Respect | Heart level | Tomgirl

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Parody | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt | Reeb

Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkop | Kick the Autistic | Laughs Under Lucricities | Manajerks | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Tobacky

Cursewords: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Naïve | Niggos | Pedofork | Slow-in-the-minds

See also: Minor CWC-isms | Chris and English