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—Sonichu, the The Genesis of the Lovehogs
—Chris, "Sonichu" CWCipedia article
|Date of birth|| 17 March 1988 (in universe)
17 March 2000 (IRL)
|Length||5'4" (163 cm)|
|Weight||120 lbs (54 kg)|
|Species||Sonichu (Electric Hedgehog Pokémon)|
|Evolves from||Sonee or Pikachu|
|Evolves into||Metonic or Ultra Sonichu|
Sonichu (born 17 March 1988) is the magnum opus of Christian Weston Chandler. He is a combination of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu and is also Chris's imaginary son. He goes on adventures and "zaps to the extreme!"
Sonichu's species, Sonichu, evolves from a Sonee, and can evolve into either Metonic or Ultra Sonichu. (Even though the original Sonichu mutated from Pikachu, which just makes the Sonichu comic even more and convoluted.)
Creation and development
Chris revealed on his fail Wikipedia page that Sonichu is a product of a Computer Graphics Class. In March 2000, Chris had to create a CD Cover for an assignment. Despite being a ridiculously simple project, with infinite possibilities for a possible CD cover, Chris still struggled with the assignment, because he could not use copyrighted characters. It seemed as if Chris's usual technique of "cover everything with shitty video game characters" wouldn't work this time. But then, inspiration struck:
—Chris on the origin of Sonichu, and why the public school system has failed us
Thus, an Internet legend, Sonichu, was born.
The comic began shortly thereafter: Chris drew a few short comics in the following four years which eventually appeared in Sonichu #0. The comic was completed and released in 2005, five years after Sonichu's conception (and to think people bitch about waiting a few months for new comics to come out...).
Sonichu's character design has slightly changed since Chris scrawled the first poorly drawn Sonichu. Due to Megan's influence (read: wanting her sweet, wet china), Sonichu took on a more anime-like appearance. However, despite drawing Sonichu for over a decade, Chris has somehow managed to maintain the drawing skills of a six-year-old.
Fictional character biography
—Sonichu's background, Sonichu's News Dash! #2
What would later become known as "Sonichu" hatched as a Pichu on 17 March 1988, which interestingly enough is also the exact birth date of Chris's cherished dog Patti. It would eventually evolve into a Pikachu on 26 February 1994.
One day the city of Station Square was under siege by the Perfect Chaos Monster, and Sonic the Hedgehog attempted to battle the creature. While using the six Chaos Emeralds to transform into Super Sonic, Sonic bumped into the Pikachu who happened upon the scene. This collision somehow mutated the Pikachu so that it evolved to possess the physical characteristics and abilities of Sonic. After dispatching with the Perfect Chaos Monster, and being mistaken for Sonic, the newly evolved Pikachu declared himself to be a new species of Pokémon: Sonichu.
After his transformation, he ran back to his parents' nest, where he found that they had been caught by Pokémon trainers. Showing the same callousness his creator shows after a loss, Sonichu does not seem to have attempted to find them, never mentioned them again, and even refers to Chris as his father.
While Sonichu had gained new abilities from his transformation, his larger size made it impractical for him to forage for nuts and berries in the forest. Upon discovering Rosechu in the woods, he hoped to beg for food from her trainer, Kel and thus stalked Rosechu back to her and Kel's cabin, whereupon he introduced himself to them. Rosechu was immediately attracted to Sonichu for such qualities as being unable to name his favorite color. Their whirlwind romance was quickly consummated, and the two became passionate lovers. After rescuing Rosechu from Naitsirhc at CWCville Mall, Sonichu became recognized as the hero of the city. CWCville's Mayor, Christian Weston Chandler, congratulated him for his victory; Sonichu in turn commended his creator's work on the Sonichu comics and wished him luck in his Love Quest.
Although Naitsirhc had been defeated, he succeeded in obtaining a sample of Sonichu's DNA which his adopted father Giovanni and Doctor Robotnik used to create Black Sonichu. Black Sonichu was sent to capture Rosechu to lure Sonichu into a trap; however Giovanni and Robotnik did not reckon on Sonichu joining forces with Sonic. Together they overwhelmed both Blachu and Metal Sonichu to rescue Rosechu, who later met Amy Rose.
One day, while zapping to the extreme, Sonichu encountered The Destiny Cave, a mysterious Cherokian chamber guarded by an old man. The keeper of the Destiny Cave explained that Sonichu was the prophesied creature whose master would enter the cave and receive special powers. Sonichu reported this to Christian, and took him back to the cave. There, they learned the Anchuent Prophecy, which reveals that Chris is the reincarnation of his Cherokian ancestor and foretells of the release of an ancient evil. Sonichu blamed himself for allowing this evil force to escape, but Chris reassured him. After Chris took on the powers of Chris-chan Sonichu, which transformed him into a hedgehog, Sonichu helped him adjust to his new powers and body. No sooner had Chris-Chan mastered these abilities when he and his son were ambushed by Wes-Li Sonichu, the reincarnation of the head of the Wasabi Clan, who sought to renew the hostilities between the Wasabis and Cherokees. Saramah Rosechu, the reincarnation of the wife of Chris's ancestor, intervened to stop the battle. Sonichu and these three prophesied hedgehogs formed a tenuous alliance to defeat a giant golem monster summoned by Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon.
When Sonichu learned of Blachu's attempt to steal the Legendary Master Sunstone, he zapped to the scene of the crime, only to discover five other electric hedgehog Pokemon created by the same effect that created himself and Rosechu. Sonichu led this newly formed Chaotic Combo into battle against Blachu, defeating him utterly.
One day, Christian and Sonichu were chillin' at the mall when Mary Lee Walsh's forces attacked CWCville, prompting Christian to summon the Chaotic Combo and transform with his twin sister into Chrs-Chan Pure. Sonichu contributed relatively little to this battle, as Chris did most of the heavy lifting. In the aftermath of the attack, during which Crystal was imprisoned in Count Graduon's Dark Mirror Hole, Sonichu confided to Rosechu about dreams of seeing his creator with long hair in a mirror. When Reldnahc Ha-Taque and Black Sonichu attacked CWCville Mall, Sonichu and Magi-Chan accompanied Chris in responding to the emergency. Sonichu largely hung back as Chris battled his homosexual evil twin.
After the threat of Reldnahc was eliminated, Chris, Magi-Chan, and Sonichu pooled their efforts to retrieve one of the seven Sonichu Balls from 1996. Magi-chan created a sphere to contain them, which Sonichu's tremendous speed would accelerate backwards through time. Although they successfully obtained the Sonichu Ball and returned to the present, Chris was lost in the time stream. Sonichu was disheartened by the disappearance of his father, but was able to console Rosechu so that she would be willing to have sex with him.
One day, after having hours of sexual intercourse, Sonichu and Rosechu discovered the website 4-cent_garbage.com spreading slanderous lies about them and their friends. Most notably, the site had pictures of Rosechu with a penis -- pictures which caused Sonichu to collapse into violent nausea. Outraged, the couple stormed the 4-cent_garbage.com building to confront Jason Kendrick Howell. When Howell refused to remove the offending content from his website, Sonichu attacked him in an rage, but was easily defeated. It instead fell to Rosechu to teach Howell a lesson by shoving her breasts and pussy in his face while eating his brain.
During Spring Break, Sonichu was briefly seen talking to Rosechu and surfing.
When forces of evil attacked CWCville, Sonichu took time out from raging at homos and objectifying his wife in order to defend the city. When granted the opportunity to finish the primary villain once and for all, Sonichu released her in order to allow his father to grab all the glory of defeating her (and thus putting the city in further danger).
After Chris's return from the Time Void, Sonichu returned to his role as second fiddle to Chris, doing the latter's bidding as Ultra Sonichu with some godlike powers of his own. After Collosal Chan's crimes against humanity, Sonichu served as "plaintif"[sic]/witness in the mock trial of the Asperpedia Four, and after the predetermined verdict, took part in Evan's brutal execution.
Sonichu has also made an appearance drawn in marker on CWC's duck.
Characteristics and personal life
Sonichu's hobbies include running, surfing and chillin'. He enjoys outdoors activities and the scenery around him. He appears to be undecided on whether his favorite color is yellow or blue.
Sonichu's voice, as Chris would be his ideal candidate for a voice actor should there ever be a Sonichu cartoon, is more or less Chris's voice but in a slightly higher tone. He is deeply in love with his sweet-bolt, Rosechu, with whom he lives at a subdivision at 14 Brunchville Lane, CWCville, Virginia, 02024-1982. Sonichu is normally rather calm and collected, but when Rosechu's reputation is besmirched he flies into unthinking rage and/or vomits profusely. Sonichu is rarely seen away from Rosechu's side, and it is possible that his relationship with her has become overly possessive and abusive behind closed doors.
Despite maintaining an appearance of living in carnal sin, Sonichu and Rosechu have been secretly married since March 17, 2006 (a possible retcon by Chris to address complaints about Sonichu and Rosechu having sex outside of marriage). The two have gone to great lengths to keep it under wraps, wearing gloves over their wedding rings and keeping their three children — Cerah (potentially named after Sarah Hammer, Sarah Jackson, PandaHalo or Sarah May; take your pick), Robbie (most likely named after the retarded hero from The Adventures of The American Rabbit, or the not-so-retarded hero of the Chandler household), and Christine (one guess) — hidden in the attic like so many flowers. Whatever sordid reason for burying their union remains a mystery. It has become rapidly apparent that Christian believes that his characters exist outside the confines of his scented marker universe, though one wonders if a personage as bland and poorly-developed as Wild Sonichu could truly survive in our harsh world.
Although many of his friends are members of his own species, his closest friend is his father and creator, Christian Weston Chandler. As the Sonichu series has shifted its focus from the titular character to its writer, Sonichu's role has been that of Christian's closest confident as he struggles to persevere in his Love Quest and endure the Stressful Torture of the internet bullies. When Giovanni asked him between loyalty to Reldnahc and make him into the Mayor of CWCville, or let Rosechu to live, obviously, he chose Christian instead of Rosechu without hesitation. Like father, like son.
When erect, Sonichu's cock is easily seven inches (18 cm) long, and often ruptures the condoms he uses when 69-ing his beloved Rosechu. Chris has also given very intense details to Sonichu and Rosechu's anatomy.
Sonichu's luck with the ladies apparently predates his transformation into an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, as his CWCipedia biography notes that when he was still a Pikachu he made out with a Jigglypuff. This raises some very disturbing implications, as the CWCipedia article also gives 1988 as the year of his birth and 1998 as the year in which he became Sonichu, meaning he could have not been older than 10 years at the time of said liaison.
Powers and abilities
Aside from the obvious super-speed and body-spinning powers transferred to him from Sonic, Sonichu also possesses many powers based on his original Pikachu form, most notably his lightning and thunder attacks. Some of his special attacks include:
- Sky Uppercut: Jumping punch to the head from below, presumably similar in fashion to the Shoryuken from the Street Fighter games.
- Mega Kick: A martial arts-style kick, sometimes done in midair.
- Double Team: The attacker quickly creates an illusion that there are multiple attackers, disguising the real one temporarily and allowing them an opportunity to attack whilst the target is confused.
- Spin Dash: Attacker curls into a ball and spins on the spot, before releasing and hurtling directly into the victim in a high-speed rolling attack. In the original games where this move came from, it was capable of breaking barriers, but this has yet to be seen in the comics.
- Zap Cannonball: Attacker creates a ball of pure electrical energy in their hands, before thrusting their palms forward to fire it at the victim, in a similar fashion to the Hadouken from the Street Fighter games, or the Thunder Strike from Mega Man 7.
- Iron Tail: Attacker swings his tail at the victim to hit them in a slapping attack.
- Mud Slap: Attacker kicks conveniently placed mud to the victim's eyes to lower their accuracy.
- Thunderbolt: Attacker charges up electrical power in body, before releasing it at the victim in the form of a long-ranged bolt of electricity.
- Thunder: Attacker charges up electrical power, and uses it to summon lighting bolts down to the victim whilst simultaneously firing off electricity for a powerful lightning attack.
Sonichu may well possess other special powers that have only been utilized during the scenes where he is off-panel, while Chris takes over the story.
Interestingly, it is said that Sonichu and Blake are virtually the same. That being said, if one takes Blake's training in Sonichu #1 seriously, then that would mean that Sonichu is actually slower than Sonic. Blake's given speed was 200 km/h (124 mph), much slower than Sonic, who can apparently hit Mach 1 (1,225 km/h / 761 mph) unassisted (so far, the best Sega has been able to show in-game is around 300 mph (483 km/h) in Sonic Unleashed). Even more, it is said that Blake can reach a spinning power of 200 rpm, which is barely enough to get a cool breeze. (However, in Sonichu's News Dash! #2 Chris claimed that Sonichu can go faster than the speed of sound.)
Sonichu as a Mary Sue
One of the chief traits of Sonichu that drew trolls to Chris, aside from being an unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws, is that Sonichu is a Mary Sue unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws. In other words, he is an obvious avatar for Chris's personal power fantasies.
When the comics don't focus on Chris himself, they still manage to focus on Sonichu, who serves as Chris's idealized version of himself. Unlike Chris, Sonichu has a girlfriend whom he met, fell in love with, and drew into a meaningful relationship in a few hours' time; is fast, good looking, and loved by everyone; and despite his success, he somehow manages to "admire" Chris.
A notable instance of Sonichu as a Mary Sue is in Sonichu #8, during the battle with 4-cent_garbage.com, where Sonichu merely stands in for Chris as he fights the trolls. The fact that Sonichu ultimately gets his ass kicked and has to be saved by his sweetheart just adds another level to this dumbfuckery.
- Sonic the Hedgehog
- Sonichu (comic)
- Sonichu (species)
- All other uses of that damn "Sonichu" word
- Bionic the Hedgehog
- Medallions of Fail
- CWCipedia on Sonichu
- The Sonichu Chronicles
- User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth
- Eulogy for Patti on the CWCipedia
- Mumble 6
|The List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate|
VIII. ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present:
XIII. Pornstars: Bailey Jay
|The List Of Males Chris Does Hate|