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Valentines Day Hymn

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Behold the V-Day Collage of Fail!

Valentines Day Hymn is one of Chris's earliest shitty poems. He wrote it on Valentine's Day 2000 for his "CWC's Pokésite 2". He obviously didn't pay much attention in English or music class, or he'd know that a hymn is a song of praise or adoration, usually addressed to a deity or prominent person; not a poem telling a boring story.

Text

Valentines Day Hymn.

2/14/2000

On the day of love and romance,
Hearts and cupids fly around.
The arrow of cupid hits a man,
And that man falls head over heels for a pretty gal.
Cards and candy go hand-to-hand,
Expressing the thoughts of love put in the poem.
Kisses are shared and fireworks are blown,
The only way that could happen is if they kissed on the 4th of July.
On a date, the man could not pay the bill,
So his date slammed her door in his face.
Red and Pink are the hearty colors,
Because that's how the hearts were originally drawn.
The man's coat over a puddle,
The maiden walks,
Then the man trips and pays the laundry bill.
Under the moonlight,
The couples of the world kiss,
But unfortunately for few,
They are interrupted by their parents.
Night is right for love,
Except for the werewolf...
Whoops!
Wrong holiday.
Happy Valentines Day to all lovers!
The cupids did a pretty good job,
Didn't they?

Analysis

Chris tried his hand at free-verse with this poem. While some may see this as a bold, modern approach to poem writing, it is more likely that Chris was just too lazy to adhere to any sort of rhyming pattern or meter, instead writing down whatever the hell came out of his head without having to deal with the stress of a rigid pattern.

The poem seems to be about a clumsy, broke man and his lousy date (note the misogynistic implication that the girl is shallow and only cares about money), but Chris deems it necessary to break up this story with some barely relevant thoughts on love and Valentines Day, making the poem even harder to read than it needs to be. The poem also does a great job in showing Chris's ignorance. He seems to believe that fireworks are only used on Valentines day and the Fourth of July, he has no idea what the term "hearty" means, and that apparently he thinks a woman would do her laundry on a date with a man. Chris wraps up this steaming pile of failure with a sprinkle of random access humor to ruin any sort of beauty that he lazily tries to create.

Perhaps the most remarkable thing about this poem is its nonchalant and cheerful attitude toward dating and romance. After his love quest began in 2003, Chris was known to complain about the Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor and called the rest of the human males JERKS. He would often bemoan his sad and lonely state. At the time this song was written though, Chris was apparently not too hurried to find a sweetheart, and was more than willing to celebrate the love of others.

Spanish version

Chris wrote an alternate version for the Spanish version of the PokeSite, later put up on the CWCipedia.[1]

With very minor exceptions (such as the last line, which literally translates to "Yes?" as opposed to "Didn't they"?), Chris opts for the literal school of translation, opting to translate word for word without regard to the original rhythm of the poem. Some English professors might argue that this is a sort of fail.

Chris's translation

En el díy de amor y romance,
Corazónes y cupids volan alrededor.
La flecha de cupid choca un hombre,
Y esto hombre está enamorado por la señora bonita.
Tarjetas de amor y cande son juntos bien,
Expresan los pensamientos de amor en la poema.
Los Besos son partes y los fuegos artificales explotan,
Puede ocurrir solomente si ellos besan en el 4 de Julio.
En una cita, el hombre no puede pagar la cuenta,
Tan su novia cerra su puerta en su cara.
Rojo y Rosado son los colores del día de St. Valentin,
Porqué son los colores originales de los corazónes.
El abrigo del hombre cubre un charco,
La doncella camina,
Que el hombre baja y paga la cuenta para la ropa lavada.
En el luz de la luna, Las parejas del mundo besan,
Pero para menos, Tienen in interrupción desde sus padres.
La noche es bueno para amor,
Excepto el werewolf...
¡Hoy!
Falsa fiesta.
Feliz día de St. Valentin para todos están enamoros!
Los cupids hacen un trabajo bueno,
Sí?

A correct translation

En el día del amor y del romance,
Vuelan corazones y cupidos.
La flecha de Cupido le da a un hombre,
Y éste se enamora perdidamente de una chica bonita.
Se pasan de mano a mano cartas y dulces
Que expresan los sentimientos de amor en el poema.
Se comparten besos y estallan fuegos artificiales;
Esto sólo pasaría si se besaran el cuatro de julio.
Durante una cita, el hombre no pudo pagar la cuenta,
Por lo que la muchacha le cerró la puerta en la cara.
El rojo y el rosa son los colores del corazón
Porque así se dibujaron en un principio.
El abrigo del hombre sobre un charco,
Camina la doncella;
Luego, el hombre se tropieza y le paga al lavandero.
Bajo la luz de la luna
Se besan las parejas del mundo,
Pero, mal que le pese a algunos,
Les interrumpen sus padres.
La noche es adecuada para el amor,
Menos para el hombre lobo...
¡Uy!
Fiesta equivocada.
¡Feliz día de San Valentín a todos los enamorados!
Qué buen trabajo hicieron los cupidos,
¿No es cierto?

Chris's Spanish version literally translated back to English

In day of Romance love and,
Hearts and cupids high around.
The arrow of cupid hits a man,
and this man is enamored by the pretty lady.
Cards of together love and good locks are,
Express the thoughts of love in the poem.
The Kisses are parts and the artificial fires explode,
Can happen single if they kiss on the 4th of July.
In an appointment, the man cannot pay the account,
So his fiancèe slamming his door in his face.
Red and Pink they are the colors of the day of St. Valentin,
Because they are the original colors of the hearts.
The shelter of the man covers a pool,
doncella walks,
That the low man and pays the account for the washed clothes.
On the light of the moon, the pairs of the world kiss,
But for less, They have in interruption from its parents.
The night is good for love,
Except werewolf…
Today!
False celebration.
Happy day of St. Valentin for all is enamoros!
Cupids makes a work good,
Yes?

Fan videos

Dramatic Reading
Stardate 28 May 2010
Made By manwithoutabody
Other Info The second poem read, along with Hard Love Quest and Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu.
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

Sources

  1. http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWC_Speaks
The Writings of Christian Weston Chandler

Poetry: "Valentines Day Hymn" | "For My True Love, I Would…" | "Hard Love Quest" | "I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas" | "Saddest Heart in the World" | "Song of Christian" | "Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu" | "An Inspired Poem for Jackie" | "PAIN Enduring since October 29, 2013"

Stories and Tracts: "How the Pokemon Came Into Our Poké Balls" | "A Week With Christian Chandler" | "My big 18th party" | "Bionic the Hedgehog" | "Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs" | Sonichu's News Dash! | "Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares" | "Story of My Current Days" | "The High School Story" | "A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story"

See also: Chris and writing