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I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional [sic]; it would be like looking through a Window to Hell to me.


—Chris on other autistic people, IRC (17 December 2008)

Sonichu is also a slow-in-the-mind

"Slow-in-the-minds" and "slow minded" are CWC-isms that refer to developmentally disabled, cognitively delayed, crazy, and/or generally unintelligent people. (Other than Chris himself, of course.) The term was first seen in Chris's school project "A Week With Christian Chandler."

"Slow-in-the-minds" hits a fine trifecta of points. One, it displays Chris's arrogance, seeing as how it applies to so many classes of people, all of whom he considers "slower" than he. Two, it shows Chris's lip-service attention to fitting in to society, since it's a piss-poor euphemism on its own and even worse when used in a school project. Three, there's a delicious irony in Chris decrying students who are "slow in the mind", even though his own mental aptitude is dubious.

In a number of responses from the Mailbag, Chris has explained that he finds the mentally challenged (especially those who also have physical deformities) creepy, and likens them to zombies.[1][2] Chris's bigotry extends to his fellow autistics — he speaks in incredibly cruel and derisive terms about the various mental and physical problems that are thrust upon these innocent individuals, whereas he (as a self-proclaimed "high-functioning" autistic) is pure and clean.

Despite that he seems to hardly consider low functioning autistics human, he often styles himself as a spokesperson for autism, making a stand against Asperger Syndrome in the non-existent conflict between autism and Aspergers. This delusion is made most apparent in the CWCipedia article on Aspergers. It has been suggested he says this to make himself look good and complain that he should be receiving the care and attention that those with Aspergers receive.

Chris seems to interpret the "high-functioning" part of his diagnosis as a compliment, giving him the best of both worlds ... he can blame any of his shortcomings on his autism, but still console himself with the fact that he's "high-functioning" and therefore better than the "slow-in-the-minds".


Uses by Chris

Chris's use of this term has evolved over the years. Early on, he pointedly distinguished between the "slow-minded" and himself. In late 2009 and onward, however, he began referring to himself as "a little slow" or "sometimes slow," once he discovered he could use it as an excuse for his many failings.

  • On a 1999 high school assignment about prenatal development, Chris identified various factors that could cause newborn children to have "slow minds". This appears to be the earliest known use of the term.
  • In A Week With Christian Chandler, Chris described his peers on his school bus as "slow-in-the-minds."
  • Sub-Episode 6, when exploring the ecology of the Jerkop, notes that "slow-minded people" are susceptible to becoming Mary Lee Walsh's rent-a-cop slaves. (Chris adds that because he is, of course, not slow in the mind, he is immune to the "hypno-gun" that brainwashes the Jerkops.)
  • Chris Chan's Public Announcement features, among other things, Chris attempting to correct the "misconception" that he is a "slow-minded person."
  • In a December 2008 IRC chat, when asked to give an example of learning from his mistakes, Chris said, "when it was spelled out for me that a sign by my side made me look slow-minded, when clearly I am not."
  • Chris mentions the same incident in a 2007 e-mail to his old schoolteacher Virginia Sanford: "I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the 'R' Word."
  • Conversing with his "fans" in Mumble 8, Chris claimed, "For the record, I'm not- I'm not slow in the mind."
  • While mocking a (legitimately mentally disabled) fan of his on YouTube, Chris said, "You’re so naïve and slow in the mind."
  • During the Father Call, Chris says, "I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments."
  • In his CWCipedia article on Asperger's syndrome, Chris admits that "my mentality is sometimes slow."
  • While begging off from some of the difficult questions he faced in Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9, Chris whines about how "Sometimes my mind's a little slow."
  • In the Regina e-mails, Chris referred to Virginia gubernatorial candidates Bob McDonnell and Creigh Deeds as being "not so swift."
  • In Jackie Chat 8, Chris admits that "I sometimes feel mentally slow."
  • Likewise, in a July 2010 e-mail to Jackie, he says "I am sometimes mentally slow and don't get all of the details at once and such." This becomes a recurring theme in Chris's conversations with Jackie, as he repeatedly tries to use his "slow-mindedness" as an excuse. The 20th collection of e-mails has a few good examples.
  • Talking about his high-school days in the Lars Call, Chris says "Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my autism and considerable slow-mindedness, that has happened to me before."


  1. Mailbag 5
  2. Mailbag 11

See also


Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Dating education | Gal pal | Heart level | Sweetheart | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: China | Comeuppance | Duck | Gaybian | Hanky-panky | Homos | Honest Content | Mass debating | Navy | Pickle | Raincoat | Recycling | Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | Women's rights

Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | Cherokian Clan | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fangs | Fuzzy-wuzzies | Honor roll | Mental Block | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Prickly-Wicklies | Random-access humor | Scale of Respect | Heart level | Tomgirl

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Parody | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt | Reeb

Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkop | Kick the Autistic | Laughs Under Lucricities | Manajerks | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Tobacky

Cursewords: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Naïve | Niggos | Pedofork | Slow-in-the-minds

See also: Minor CWC-isms | Chris and English