Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown
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This article is filled with TRUTH and HONESTY and was once 'Article of the Now'. |
In June 2007, Sony Computer Entertainment America (SCEA) announced the Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown contest to promote the video game PaRappa the Rapper. Contestants were to film themselves performing either Chop Chop Master Onion's rap, Instructor Mooselini's rap or Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken's rap a capella. The grand prize winner of the contest would receive two PSPs and an all-expenses-paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo.
The contest was of monumental importance, as it would achieve goals for Christian Weston Chandler on multiple fronts. Beyond his innate desire to win contests by making an ass of himself on film, Chris hoped to bestow one of the PSPs to his beloved Megan Schroeder and invite her to accompany him on the trip, thereby creating an opportunity for her to give in to her obvious passion for him. The potential benefits could not be overstated. Failure to win the contest was not an option.
Contents |
Master Onion A-La Mode
| Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown | |
| Stardate | 29 June 2007 |
| Subject Matter |  Music,  Video Games
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| Performance Style |  Comedy
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| Saga |  Adam Stackhouse
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| Shirt |  Orange
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| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
| previous SOUL CALIBUR: Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh |
next CWC is Angry |
To ensure nothing less than total victory, Chris elected to perform the Chop Chop Master Onion Rap. Despite claiming this was the only song he knew from the game, Chris clearly didn't know it all that well, considering that he reads its lyrics while "performing," not bothering to rehearse/learn the lines. But then again, have any of his videos looked even remotely prepared? Oddly, he peppers the video with various video effects that seem to come from what is likely the default video editing program of EyeToy/PSEye, including a hilarious caption of "Birthday Boy" popping up during one point. It could be assumed that Chris did so to make his video look 'nice', only for it to turn into laughing material. Towards the end of the video, Chris can be seen struggling to breathe from close to three minutes of extremely mild exercise.
Transcript
Hey, P-Station, my name is Christian Chandler
I live in Ruckersville, Virginia!
I have a PSP, I like to rap,
I play PaRappa, and go with him now.
The only song I know is "Master Onion"
Which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend Megan!
I have a PSP and she don't,
So give me the PSP; unwrap the wrapper,
So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!
So here we go, we're gonna sing it now.
Master Onion, A-La Mode!
Kick! Punch! It's all in the m-mind.
If you wanna test me, I'm sure you will find
That you all things, I'll teach ya sure to beat ya,
Nevertheless, you'll get a lesson from teacher now
Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
Block (Block)
Once more now. Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
And Block (Block)
Don't get cocky, it's doesn't get rocky,
We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now
Duck (Duck)
Jump (Jump)
Turn (Turn)
And Pose (Pose)
Listen carefully. Jump (Jump)
Pose (Pose)
Duck (Duck)
and Turn (Turn)
Hmm, yeah, I see you're getting better,
Kick to the limit in order to get her now
Kick Punch (Kick Punch)
Chop Block (Chop Block)
Chop Kick (Chop Kick)
Punch Block (Punch Block)
It's gonna get harder now Duck & Jump (Duck & Jump)
Turn & Pose (Turn & Pose)
Duck & Turn (Duck & Turn)
Jump & Pose (Jump Pose)
Come on now, why don't you follow my words,
Because we're almost done, I'll make things worse.
I wanna see if you wanna see what it means
To be the man with the master plan. Are you the man now?
Here we go now. Kick Punch Block (Kick Punch Block)
Chop Kick Block (Chop Kick Block)
Block Turn & Kick it (Block Turn & Kick it)
Block Duck Punch (Block Duck Punch)
Duck Duck Turn (Duck Duck Turn)
Jump Kick Chop (Jump Kick Chop)
and Punch Punch Punch (Punch Punch Punch)
That's it for today.
Good job, PaRappa!
You can go to the next stage now.
Yahoo! Alright!
PaRappa, I'm so proud of you!
Congratulations!
Alright. Thank ya, teacha!
Again: what?
Man, you’re so good!
I got a tit-loose memory, money
With students like you…
Wanna try a super-beginner’s course?
You’re pick—you’re pickin’ on me too fast!
I'm outta here!
Guitar Hero on PlayStation 3
Don't press the PS button after select hang, see?
Make sure you hook up with the converter controller
Dude, rock on, yo! Nananananaaaa!
Rap, rap, rap! That's a wrap!
Campaign
Chris's video made it into the top 10, probably because a little more than 10 people entered. The winner was to be selected from a vote by PlayStation Underground members in July 2007.
At The GAMe PLACe, Chris handed out fliers telling people to vote for him. To ensure success, he read everything off the flier to each person before giving the flier to them. Of course, no one voted for Chris.[1] He took matters into his own hands by stuffing the ballot with an endless stream of votes on different fake accounts.
Chris also badgered his half-brother Cole Smithey to vote for him. In return for his vote, Cole asked Chris to find out from their mother about the real identity of Cole's biological father.[2] Chris wasn't interested in Cole's plight, and in return Cole never voted for him.
Another person Chris lobbied to vote for him was Susan Hannifan[3], a PVCC Guidance Counselor to whom Chris showed a disrespectful attitude in the past.[4]
On the day before voting ended, Chris posted his own reviews of the top 10 videos in his PSN blog.| —Chris, describing his video in third person |
Results
| —Official contest rules |
The competition was won by Adam Stackhouse, whom Chris bears a grudge against as he felt Adam broke "da rules"[5] by having music and multiple people in his entry. Chris loathed the 2nd and 3rd place winners for having music as well. In actuality, the beatboxing in Adam's video counts as a cappella. Furthermore, another top 10 finalist claimed that he had removed his own music to avoid breaking the rules, but Sony said it was fine.[6]
The irony is Chris actually violated da rules by making up bits and pieces of his own lyrics, as seen above. Just about the only logical reason Chris got as far as he did is that the judges had never quite seen anything like this before.
Relentless vote stuffing did earn Chris a reward, however. The rules state that finalists would "...get their Submissions published on PlayStation.com, and will receive a copy of the game PaRappa the Rapper for the PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system and some PaRappa branded premium items such as a PSP skin, PSP charm, and a PaRappa signature beanie (ARV $60)." Or, as Chris explains in PS3 History level, "copy of the PSP version of the PSOne classic, a charm, HIS hat, and 5 PSP-1000 Skins." (No, we have no idea why "HIS" is all capitalized. PaRappa is neither divine in nature, nor exactly a paragon of masculinity.)
Aftermath
Because Chris was infuriated that he did not win the trip to Seattle, he sent an e-mail to the company that ran the contest to cry foul on 03 August 2007:
Yes, Chris really did tell a complete stranger he should have won that contest because he wanted to fuck his best friend.
On 4 August, Chris raged multiple times on his PSN blog against Adam Stackhouse and the other winners, using his favorite "Kick the Autistic" crutch. When people advised him to relax, he told them to shut up. As a result, he was put on a time out by an admin.
Two days later, Chris continued his rampage against Adam Stackhouse, during which he created a fake webpage designed to show himself as the true winner of the contest. He went around various PSN News posts and left comments with the following:[7][8]
During Christian's struggle to be recognized as the rightful winner of the contest, Megan informed him that she was glad he lost and that she would never have gone with him on the trip if he had won. Also, Chris claims to have contracted a "gut virus" due to the strain on his body making this video.
There are actually two versions of the video. The one that Chris uploaded later to his YouTube channel has an additional photograph of Megan between the first and second verses. Either this version is the original version before Megan broke up with Chris, and Chris had to remove her picture to make amends, or the video with the picture was made much later, due to Chris's pangs of agony over long-lost love.
Regarding Adam, Chris made a video where, in silence, he repeatedly shot with a toy gun at a photo of Adam.
On 31 October, Chris made a fake Parappa profile on MySpace to comfort himself on losing the contest. Parappatherapingdog. Good job.[9]
Fan videos
| CWC-Tok | |
| Stardate | 9 January 2010 |
| Made By |  Liquid Chris
|
| Video Type | Remix |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
Sources
- ↑ Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris's history and personality
- ↑ 21 July 2007 email
- ↑ Chris emails 2007#July
- ↑ Chris emails 2004-2006#February 2004
- ↑ PSN blog, 31 July 2007
- ↑ Momo :: Chop Chop Master Onion Showdown (w/music) video on YouTube
- ↑ http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/warhawk-goes-gold/comment-page-9/
- ↑ http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/comment-monitoring/comment-page-4/
- ↑ http://web.archive.org/web/20080705130230/http://www.myspace.com/sonichucwc
See also
- Adam Stackhouse
- GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes
- CWC is Angry
- PaRappa the Rapper
- Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes
Download
| ⇐ Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh | Chris's videos | CWC is Angry ⇒ |
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