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OkCupid

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OkCupid, one of the more popular dating websites, matches people based on how they respond to questions that they may answer at their leisure. Unlike sites such as Match.com, OkCupid allows users to message and search each other for free, only charging for perks like ad removal and unlimited inbox space. Like so many other dating websites before, Christian Weston Chandler joined this one with high hopes.

Contents

CWCSONICHU profile

OkCupid profile screencap

Chris created his first OkCupid profile in late February 2009. He gave up on it quickly, and he never answered any of the questions or quizzes that the site uses to build a personality profile of each user. It's likely he quit using it after girls failed to flood his inbox with offers of True and Honest love. In the usual Chris style, the profile is woefully incomplete, featuring only a very brief personal summary, and a looking-for box in which he checked every available option, including "casual sex."

While mildly entertaining, this profile has been quickly overtaken by the veritable train wreck that is his current profile. After a short time, the profile was hacked by trolls.

Profile text

I am Autistic, Fun, and Creative.

My Self-Summary

I'm young at heart. I'm currently writing a comic book, and I've written quite a few issues so far. I am a bit shy, but I would enjoy the company of a beautiful girl who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I can, and I don't really like to be alone.

I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I am doing very well at PVCC. A lot of men make false promises to their girlfriends, but I am totally different. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) girls deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them.

I haven't had the best of luck with girlfriends in my past. There was a lot of lying and backstabbing done to me, and I'm looking for someone who is honest and will love me for me.

Who I'd like to meet:

Someone with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, very pretty, 18-23-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, smoke-free, non-alcholoic, white and does not already have a Boyfriend.

Looking for: New friends, Long-term dating, Short-term dating, Activity partners, Long-distance penpals, Casual sex

OKCupid has a variety of other fields such as religion, height, race, ect, all of which Chris left blank.

ChrisCSonichu profile

Chris's profile image, recycled from his adventures as direct2sex.

Chris's return to OkCupid started on 4 April 2009 under the name "ChrisCSonichu." This was a much more involved affair than his earlier profile, as Chris updated this profile frequently. These updates slowly changed the page from a badly-written but largely benign profile, into a violently insane, sex-obsessed manifesto about how awesome Chris is, and how hot girls should be having sex with him right now. This slow evolution from stupid and relatively innocent to stupid, filthy and deranged can be found in virtually everything Chris has ever made, but is perhaps most evident in his Sonichu comics.

The earliest saved version we have of Chris's page is relatively harmless. Chris makes an ass of himself in two languages, and refers to himself as a creative genius, but on the whole there's nothing too outlandish. This easygoing period would not last.

Over the course of several edits, Chris's profile eventually reached its current, horrifying form. All references to childish things, such as LittleBigPlanet and Sonichu were removed, and replaced with things Chris thought of as "manly" like Guitar Hero. The sheer importance that women meet him "in person" became more and more emphasized, as well as constant references to how much he needs sex as soon as humanly possible. The legendary Third Date is completely foregone in favor of Chris getting precious China on his very first encounter with a woman, and requirements were added demanding that in-person contact must be had no later than two days after the first online contact. Despite his attempts to avoid embarrassing himself with his profile, Chris still misspelled the name of his alma mater, referring to it as "Piedmong Valley Community College".

The only interim change between the first and final versions of this page is Chris's most private thing, where he briefly stated in English that he was an autistic virgin.

 
 
I am high-functioning autistic, and I am a virgin; do not be afraid of me nor judge me. I've conquered most of my autistic traits (more of which can be learned on wikipedia or on autism.org)
 

 

—Chris, before expunging it from the record entirely.

On or around June 12, Chris revisited his OKCupid entry and updated it briefly. Beyond an extra line, Chris added in a new section to the list. Leaving the Internet, our ass.

Evidence of Chris' marked decline in health.

As of February 2013, Chris's profile has been updated once again. The latest version of his profile now features new references to tomgirlism and a considerable de-emphasis on the importance of quick sex. Particularly notable about this update is the addition of a new photo, showing Chris to have a sickly blue complexion, thinning uncut hair, and worsening obesity. This apparent decline in health is hardly suprising, considering Chris' sedentary lifestyle and gratuitous consumption of McDonald's.

Also of note is Chris' insistence that all potential dates "IGNORE ALL GOOGLE RESULTS", a mantra he has repeated on his Facebook profile and even in personal correspondence, referring people who wish to know more about him to the CWCki while simultaneously instructing them to IGNORE ALL DEROGATORY CONTENT. Obviously, Chris has failed to realize the paradoxical effect of preemptively instructing people to ignore anything bad they may read about him, only serving to further interest in his autistic antics.

LevelUpKing Profile

Screenshot of profile

In July 2014, a CWCki Forums member found yet another OkCupid profile that Chris created.[1]

However, the profile is mostly unused as of September, due to mysterious reasons. TrollsonOKCupid2014.png

About

My self-summary
I'm an empathetic artistic individual with honest emotions. I'm genuine about how I feel and I stick to my beliefs. I care about those closest to me, especially my family. I have a big imagination and love using it towards my creations. I graduated from PVCC with an associates in Computer Aided Drafting. I try to think outside the box. My sense of fashion matches my personality and how I emotionally feel. Sometimes I'm a little scatterbrained, so please don't mind me if I jump topics. :)

My hobbies/interests include creating, drawing/coloring, creating with Lego, video games, walking, music, and shopping.

What I’m doing with my life
Taking care of my mother and pets.

I’m really good at
Anything art related. I'm also pretty good at video games.

The first things people usually notice about me
My fashion. ;)

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies: tied for #1, Mary Poppins and My Little Pony - Equeatria Girls. #2: The Lego Movie. #3: Yellow Submarine. Meet Me In St. Louis, Singin' in the Rain, On the Town, and other musicals.

TV Shows: My Little Pony (all generations), Sonic the Hedgehog, Transformers, Fraiser, Keeping Up Appearances, Daria, Sailor Moon and other anime.

Music: I like most types of music, including Pop, Jazz, Rock and Classic. Artists: Britney Spears, Katy Perry, the Beatles and others.

The six things I could never do without
No particular order. My iPhone, Lego collection and creations, video games, my family of mother, 2 beagles and cat, my artworks, my future sweetheart and children (still yet to be determined).

I spend a lot of time thinking about
How I can improve my life and future.

On a typical Friday night I am
At home, minding my small family, piddling with my Legos, watching a flick, playing a video game or whatever. And definitely Feeling lonely for an eligible woman to be my Sweetheart, closest friend and Future Wife.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have been emotionally hurt a lot before, and I am reasonably paranoid of others, especially online. Which is WHY it is Mandetory for immediate in person meeting with me.

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–32
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

You should message me if
YOU Make the First Move and Ask ME Out, Please.
And if you are single, caring, compassionate, confident, honest, smoke-free, and you MUST be willing to Meet In Person IMMEDIATELY or ASAP. :)

"My Details"

Orientation: straight

Ethnicity: Native American, White

Height: 5`10"(1.78m)

Body type: Average

Diet: Mostly anything

Smokes: No

Drinks: Socially

Drugs: Never

Religion: christianity, and somewhat serious about it

Sign: Pisces, and it`s fun to think about

Education: graduated from two-year college

Job: other

Income: -

Relationship status: single

Relationship type: strictly monogamous

Offspring: doesn`t have kids but wants them

Pets: has cats and has dogs

Speaks: english(fluently), spanish(okay)


It should be noted that as of this edit (July 9th, 2014), Chris had answered at least 1,333 questions (that's 134 pages).

He Might Be...

The chart OkCupid generated to summarize Chris compares his traits against other members of the site, claiming that he might be "more morally conventional", "more spiritual", "more artsy", "more sloppy", "worse mannered", "less sex driven", "less independent", "less compassionate", "less experienced in love", "less arrogant", "less scientific", and "less experienced in life" than the average OkCupid user.

Take that however you like.


Photos

See also

Sources

  1. http://cwckiforums.com/threads/updated-okc-profile.4193

External links