Cole Smithey
| Chandler Family | |
|---|---|
| |
| Cole Smithey | |
| Birth Name | Joseph Cole Smithey |
| D.O.B. | 24 July 1963 (age 48) |
| Gender | Male |
| Nationality | American |
| Race | White |
| Parents | Barbara (mother) Jack Dale Smithey (supposed father) Ran Coleman Yeatts (presumed actual father) Jerry Harmon (supposed stepfather) Robert Chandler (stepfather) |
| Occupation(s) | Film critic, musician |
| —Cole, 24 July 2007 e-mail #3 |
Joseph Cole Smithey (born 24 July 1963)[2] is Chris's half-brother, Barbara's first son and the lone escapee of the Casa De Chandler. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole seems to be a pretty normal guy. Cole's e-mails to Chris revealed a lot about the Chandler family.
He currently lives in Manhattan and is a noted film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.[3] He achieved notoriety in Time Magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to Toy Story 3.[4] He also occasionally hosts eBay auctions to spend a night drinking with him.[5]
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Childhood
Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.[6] As a child, Cole was physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" Jerry Harmon with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."[7]
Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married to, but records show she wasn't.[8] Cole suspected, and later confirmed, that his biological father was Ran Coleman Yeatts, who would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.
Move to California
Cole left Virginia for California, attending San Diego State University from 1981-1984, and earning degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College in similar fields of study.[9] While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs". The band lasted from 1981-1985.[10]Relationship with Barbara and Bob
Cole wasn't on good terms with Bob and not even with Barbara. Bob worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. Cole has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."[11] In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks him to let him know when Bob dies, so that he can celebrate.[12]
Barbara continued to lie about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence that contradicts her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to Jack Dale Smithey, Cole's alleged father, but rather to Ran Coleman Yeatts.
Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own.
Relationship with Chris
Ironically, Cole actually gets along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb (or at least he used to; it's unclear whether the two are still in regular contact), and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know who your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.
Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the abusive babysitter, which suggests that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault.
Cole visited for Chris's 18th birthday party in 2000. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him A CD For Cole Smithey! Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of him on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by attempting to talk like a DJ.
Chris visited Cole in California at some point, the only time Chris has been on an airplane[13] and one of only two times that he has left Virginia (the other being his trip to Ohio to save "Julie").
In July 2007, Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the PaRappa contest. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts, his presumed father, had died a month beforehand.[14] Chris did ask his mother about it, but she lied once again. Chris was more interested in the PaRappa contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is. This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris.
Cole in the comics
Strangely, though, Chris still found a way to put his brother into his mess. According to the CWCipedia profile for Rosechu, there is a "Professor Cole" listed, being the one who gave Kel the Pichu who would become Rosechu. This means that even his half-brother is stuck in CWCville.
Gallery
A CD For Cole Smithey!
As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Cole playing drums.
Sources
- ↑ 6 March 2007 e-mail, page 1
- ↑ A CD For Cole Smithey!
- ↑ http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/
- ↑ http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/
- ↑ http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/290715508352?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item43affe9e80
- ↑ Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)
- ↑ 6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2
- ↑ 6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2
- ↑ http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa
- ↑ The Rockin’ Dogs
- ↑ 6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2
- ↑ Cole Smithey E-mails
- ↑ Mumble 1
- ↑ United States Social Security Death Index
External links
| The List Of Males Chris Doesn't Hate |
|
I. Chris II. Bob Chandler III. Santa Clause IV. God V. Jesus VI. The President of the U.S.: George W. Bush • Barack Obama VII. All the World Leaders: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Kim Jong-un • Manuel Noriega VIII. ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present: IX. Celebrities: Jack Black • Red Skelton • Dick Van Dyke • Bob Newhart • Tim Allen • Jerry Seinfeld • Brad Garrett • Larry the Cable Guy • Peter Cullen X. Robots: Optimus Prime • Megatron XI. Electric Hedgehog Pokémon: Sonichu • Wild Sonichu • Punchy Sonichu • Magi-Chan • Blake • DJ Jamsta • BlazeBob Sonichu • Mitch Sonichu • Darkbind Sonichu • Metonic XII. Hedgehogs: Sonic the Hedgehog • Bionic the Hedgehog XIII. Pornstars: Bailey Jay |
| The List Of Males Chris Does Hate |
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