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Clyde Cash

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Trolls
TheRealClydeCash.jpg
Clyde Cash
Alias Gregg Mays
Date of Birth 4 July 1976
Gender Male
Nationality American
Race White
Siblings Ryan Cash (deceased)
Spouse PandaHalo
Children Penny Cash
Occupation(s) Internet troll
Leader of The Miscreants
 
 
Yer butt's gonna be in trouble
 

 

Barbara Chandler on Clyde Cash[1]

 
 
I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!
 

 

Chris on Clyde Cash[2]

Clyde Cash (alias Gregg Mays - that's Gregg with three G's) (4 July 1976[3]) is leader of The Miscreants and the most notorious of Chris's trolls, often considered to be Chris's arch nemesis.

In Chris's revised Encyclopedia Dramatica page, Clyde is referred to as a "Starscream troll". This is a reference to the Transformers character Starscream, who would often switch sides or plot to overthrow Megatron behind the scenes. Chris says this because he believes Clyde allegedly killed BlueSpike.[4]

Ironically, despite Chris' constant demonizing of him, Clyde has warned him about several things that would later return to bite him in the ass, such as his unwillingness to work, spending habits, his poor treatment of women and even predicted Chris' innate desire to dress like a woman.

Origins

Clyde's butt being in trouble, courtesy of Chris.

For the longest time, Clyde had no problems with Chris. Although he disapproved of some of the content, he was pleased to see the joy the franchise had brought his brother Ryan. Every night before bed, Clyde would read Ryan the latest Sonichu adventure until Ryan had dozed off to sleep (usually within the first three pages).

This changed when Chris announced, in his usual knee-jerk fashion, that he was going to stop drawing Sonichu comics. Clyde tried comforting the upset Ryan to no avail. One night in mid-December 2008,[5] Clyde entered Ryan's bedroom, intending to share a tray of freshly baked gingerbread men, only to find the lifeless form of his brother swinging from a light fixture. The dark silhouette of his body threw ghostly shadows across the room.

On the desk Clyde found a note - apparently the pain of not knowing whether Crystal would be released from the Dark Mirror Hole was too much for the young Ryan to bear. Clyde screamed, but no sounds would come out. Collapsing to the floor, he swore undying revenge on Christian Weston Chandler.

The torment begins

Artist's interpretation of this epic struggle.
Clyde Cash turns ladies straight.

Clyde's first act was to rape Chris's sweetheart PandaHalo[6], but it did absolutely nothing to Chris as he simply moved onto the next gal-pal. Chris believes that Clyde married Panda and had a "One Cent Daughter" named Penny.[7]

Then, Clyde posed as Gregg Mays (a web designer working for Nintendo) to gain access to Sonichu.net. Holding the site for ransom, he told Chris to make a video proclaiming he was gay. He then told him to make a video declaring his straightness. Eventually, Chris regained access to the site. Striking again, Clyde worked with a troll and got rid of the domain. Chris, being resilient, bought Sonichu.info. With the help of PandaHalo, Clyde managed to gain access again.

It was around this time that Takashi Tezuka and Jay Z were doing their Animal Crossing game project. Clyde then decided to make things more interesting and posed as Shigeru Miyamoto to destroy any chance of the project. Teaming up with Reggie Fils-Aimé, they created the Miyamoto Saga.

Julie set up a Mumble chat in which Chris could communicate with TRUE and HONEST Sonichu fans. Clyde stalked Julie while infiltrating these chats to confront Chris. He began throwing demands to Chris such as cleaning his room. Chris at the same time also bought SonichuandRosechu.com. Clyde got access yet again, this time with the help of Julie. In the end, it was revealed that Julie was a thirteen-year-old boy and that Clyde had staged the whole thing.[8]

After that, he sent out his trusted Hebrew friend to scout out Chris's whereabouts. The MIPS turned Robert Simmons V into a troll and infiltrated Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.[9] He then stole Chris's one and only date, Emily.[10]

When Ivy came along, he decided to continually harass her and despite Chris making a few threats, Ivy eventually gave in and killed herself.[11]

Oh, and Clyde also hacked into the PSN a few times, but then Jack Thaddeus did him one better...[12]

And to think all this was done due to Chris not caring about one fan's tragic suicide.

On 22 May 2009, the death of Clyde Cash, by a shotgun wound to the head, was reported by The Miscreants. The incident was deemed suicide, although some suspected foul play.

In the comic

Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.

In the comic, Cly(de) is a villain working for Mary Lee Walsh. Apart from capturing Ivy and getting into a fight with Chris, he initially only appeared on CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero, officially Sonichu Special #1. Not much is known about Clyde, other than he lives in a mansion and owns a pickle gun and "slander ray."

He made his first appearance in the comic proper Sonichu #10 as the 4-cent_garbage.com building is collapsing. When Jason Kendrick Howell escapes, he condemns Clyde and Jack Thaddeus for being homo trolls. When Beel escapes, he too condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing an innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for Adolf Hitler. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6-story elevator shaft to their deaths.

Currently

Clyde Cash and his buddy Jack.
Clyde with The Wallflower.
Chris's bizarre attempt to impersonate Clyde.
No one can be trusted when it comes to Cash!

After Clyde faked his death for reasons unknown, he came back with a vengeance. Chris is not very pleased.

In late 2009, when not battling Liquid Chris for the hand of Kacey, Chris spent his time trying to convince Clyde Cash, alias Gregg Mays (or "Gregg Mays, alias Clyde Cash," depending on which name he remembers first) to face him in one on one battle. Chris has recorded several feats of strength through a combination of Kacey trying to get him to get into shape and a desire to frighten Clyde with his bulging muscles.

Chris had also a picture to blackmail Clyde, but ultimately nothing came of it other than a series of videos where Chris tries to torture Clyde.[13] Clyde scoffed at the final video.

However, because of the negative reaction to Sonichu Special #4, Chris, in the CWCipedia mailbag, made clear that he would only sit and talk cooperatively with Clyde to get him to stop harassing him.[14]

Eventually, Chris decided to revisit his old nemesis in 2010, believing he was the reason why he lost the heart of "The Wallflower". In it, he is shown fighting Clyde, then pulling a knife and slitting Clyde's throat as a warning to all trolls.

In another well-thought counter-trolling plan, Christian unsuccessfully attempted to scam Clyde into paying Chris $9,001 for destroying his own PS3. This almost fail-proof scheme was however foiled thanks to Surfshack Tito's vigilance.

Fan videos

See also

Pickles.jpg
Tired of "Good Fan Art"? Visit our constantly expanding Gallery of Evil Fan Art! There's even a whole section dedicated to Clyde Cash!

Sources

  1. The Hooker Incident
  2. CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009
  3. File:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg
  4. Mumble 12
  5. IRC (18 December 2008)
  6. IRC (21 January 2009)
  7. Jackie Chat 7
  8. Julie Reveals Herself
  9. Church Audio
  10. Emily Date Conversation Transcript
  11. CWC "Boyfriend"
  12. Chris humps his PS3
  13. ClydeGoingOnGregg1, Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!, Clyde is Weaker than Water, Getting Foam Ed, Twin Falling Towers, It will never end, Apology for 9/11 Joke
  14. Mailbag 5

External links

Clyde vs. Chris

Panda: Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008 | Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009 | Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009 | Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash

Julie: Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009 | Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009 | Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009

Ivy: Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009 | Take that Page DOWN NOW! | Secret Weapon | YouTube Finale | ACWCAudition | Captain's Log, Stardate April 23rd, 2009

Chris vs Clyde: Clyde Cash the kid video | Challenge for Clyde | Challenge for Clyde II | Chris Loses It | 10242009 | To Clyde Gregg | ClydeGoingOnGregg1 | Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!! | Clyde is Weaker than Water | Getting Foam Ed | I AM STRONG | Twin Falling Towers | It will never end | To Clyde and Jack | DrainedCreativity

Performances: (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise | A CWC Audition | Don't Mess With Me | DivineTrial

Trolls of the Patriots

The Miscreants

Villains: Jason Kendrick Howell | Man in the Pickle Suit | Clyde Cash | Jack Thaddeus | Surfshack Tito

The Asperpedia Four: Alec Benson Leary | Evan | Sean August Watley | Mao

Acquaintances: Sarah Jackson | Robert Simmons V | Sarah May | Emily

Famous People: Jimmy Hill | Takashi Tezuka | Jay Z | Shigeru Miyamoto | Reggie Fils-Aimé

Game Place: Lucas | Mimms