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Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)
|Christian Weston Chandler|
|Date of birth|| 24 February 1982 (IRL)
24 March 2005 (in universe)
|Species||Human (can transform into an Electric Hedgehog Pokemon)|
|Occupation||Mayor of CWCville|
|Evolves into||Chris-Chan Sonichu|
Christian Weston Chandler is a character in the Sonichu comic series. Within the comic universe, Chris has portrayed himself as more than a fat autistic slob who refuses to work; he is the beloved mayor of CWCville, "father" of hero Sonichu and beloved by all despite failing almost as much as he does in real-life.
Despite the sub-episodes ostensibly featuring Real Chris, he can't seem to keep from evoking superpowers and plot contrivances.
In the comic
Chris depicts himself as Mayor of his fictional town, CWCville. Unlike real life, comic-Chris is popular, good-looking (well he's supposed to be), and surrounded by women (in reality, trolls, gal-pals who hate him, or fictional creations like Allison Amber). He also has the ability to change himself into Chris-chan Sonichu and use all the powers of the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon at will (thus rendering Sonichu and company completely irrelevant).
Any characteristics comic-Chris possess stems from Chris's attempt to portray himself as the lovable loser type of character, known from any generic romantic comedy. He is portrayed as noble, brave, intelligent, and surrounded by cartoon characters who fawn over him. But since Chris wants to score some cheap sympathy points, comic-Chris also has trouble with finding a girlfriend, is shown to have a limited ability to fight off his enemies, and is regularly in need of help from his supportive friends in order to overcome his problems. In the comic, real-life relics like his medallion aren't handicaps, they're magical objects which can make his dreams come true.
He even has a job as the Mayor of CWCville, and a doting secretary on whom he dumps all his dirty work, which she takes with a smile. In other words, comic-Chris is a self-insert Mary Sue character, a fictional representation of who he really wants to be.
This does, however, have the unfortunate side effect of making comic-Chris even more psychotic than his real-life counterpart, primarily due to him (and his superpowered goons) possessing the power to actually carry out his threats in an artificial environment where he can kill and maim those who get in his way, and at the same time be completely in the right about it.
To elaborate- in the space of only 11 issues (including 4 specials), he permanently crippled someone by shooting him in the legs after he'd surrendered, completely destroyed the life of a man who was simply doing his job and then callously mocking him by saying that he'd suffered worse, sealed up and destroyed a populated building whilst ensuring no living thing escaped and later trying to blame it on the building's lackluster security, broke into an old woman's home and brutally attacked her to the extent of causing paralysis, directly ordered the murder of over one thousand five hundred people in the self-perpetrated destruction of the 4-cent_garbage.com building, carried out a Holocaust on homosexuals and asexuals, and arranged a show trial for four men in an openly biased court, before personally executing them in brutal and inhumane ways, forcing children to commit first-degree murder in the process. Why? For making a parody webcomic.
Right from Sonichu #0 Chris is depicted on the front cover commanding Sonichu to "Zap to the extreme!", and within the comic itself, congratulating Sonichu for his victory. At this point, not only is Chris drawing himself semi-realistically, but he is still a minor character. Sonichu #0 is one of the rare issues that is actually based primarily around the idea of Sonichu as the protagonist.
Sonichu #1 is Chris's lowest-key outing to date, merely depicting himself commenting on the actions of the characters, and, bizarrely, his own drawing ability.
Having again drawn himself on the cover, by Sonichu #2 Chris has turned himself into a fully-fledged main character. Chris depicts himself as the messiah of the Anchuent Prophecy foretold by his ancestors. It is in this issue that he first gains his ability to turn into Chris-chan Sonichu, an event which will dominate the rest of the series to the point of Sonichu's redundancy.
After featuring heavily in the previous comic, Chris takes a backseat to the Chaotic Combo. Sadly, he still can't resist adding his head onto the first page.
The legendary comic made entirely up of sub-episodes about Chris's life. Things get a little confusing because not only are the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon depicted as existing in Real Chris's universe, but he also has super-powers with which to battle the jerkops. Again, Chris is depicting himself with selfless friends and powers he wished he actually had, but doesn't. And all the powers and Pokémon in the world still don't stop him getting beaten by the Jerkops or being trolled by Hanna. This comic also marks the introduction of Crystal, the sister he wishes he had in real life (for obvious reasons).
Real Chris, distraught at discovering Sarah Nicole Hammer is getting married, depicts himself as a noble gentleman who only wants what's best for her. In reality Sarah couldn't care less what Chris thought about her marriage, which renders his acceptance of the wedding null and void. An interpretation could be made that Chris is battling the two versions of himself - the side who wants Sarah all to himself (Real Chris, played by Wes Iseli) and the side who wants Sarah to be happy (Comic Chris). It probably helped that by this point Chris had transferred his feelings for Sarah over to Megan, who makes her début appearance as Sailor Megtune, allowing him to make the noble choice a lot easier than it would have otherwise been.
This comic also introduces the pseudo-manga art (thanks a lot, Megan) that would come to characterize later comics.
By the next episode, things starts to get confusing. Yes, Chris is Mayor of CWCville and can order around public servants, but he still can't find a girlfriend. Despite this, he continues to depict himself as a noble warrior of love, protecting all of Virginia from those who would to take it away.
Sonichu #6 is the first issue to go into detail about how Comic Chris manages to run a city while sitting around getting trolled. Opening with Real Chris discovering that his beloved dog Patti Chandler can talk, the action soon switches to Comic Chris as they enter CWCville. Chris introduces Patti-Chan to Allison Amber, a Hollywood starlet who gave up her promising career to run CWCville while Chris was sitting in his attraction locations. This character is indicative of how Chris portrays himself as so charismatic that young women drop everything to do his bidding. He is the "Big Cheese". Either way, fictional Allison Amber has a boyfriend, so Chris loses out in his own comic yet again.
The megalomania begins on the cover, which is decorated with tiny pictures of the important moments of Chris's life, such as the time he held a basketball or tricked Megan into being photographed with him.
The comic itself revolves around Comic Chris and Megan, who is depicted as struggling with her feelings for Chris (in reality, she hated him). The comic at this point was being used as a tool to attract Megan, so much of the extraneous action is centered on the dating life of the sonichus as a (barely) veiled hint as to what direction their friendship should take. The courting of Megan is also why it's the most Manga-centric issue to date, as well as the most inconsistent when it comes to Chris's depictions of himself, as he manages to draw himself differently in every frame.
This issue is also notable because it introduces Sammy, a younger version of Comic Chris who is a lot more similar to Real Chris, in that he watches TV on "ghost command," is massively overweight, and shits his pants.
Halfway through making the comic Chris was being trolled relentlessly, so he responded by trapping himself in the Time Void, and thus removing himself from the direct action.
Unable to keep himself completely out of the action, Chris emerges temporarily from the time void on the 10th floor in the 4-cent_garbage.com building in order to physically assault an employee who is working on a caricature of the over-sized drinking straw picture, while Rosechu and Sonichu cheer him on in unison. Chris disappears immediately afterward.
Chris still can't help but put himself in the comic, even when he's said to be out of the scene, in issue #9. The first time he shows up is during Ivy's "vision" portraying her being with Chris as told by God and Jesus. The second time is at the end of the comic. In the scene, Magi-Chan and Wild Sonichu discover the Time Void and end up pulling Chris out of the void. Fifteen minutes later, Chris, as Chris-Chan Sonichu, unveils some sort of plan (which is never mentioned) and he races off. On the final page, Chris declares that he, and anyone he created out of his sweetheart search misadventures, will never show up in the pages of his comic again... though the last page presumes that it'll continue in Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles.
Despite the announcement at the end of the previous issue, Chris's character returns and quickly places himself in the middle of the spotlight. Whatever small narrative restraints the character had before are now completely gone, and he works more as a wish-fulfilling Mary Sue than ever. Even worse, Comic Chris has inherited the same exact personality as his real-life counterpart. During the time this issue was being drawn, Chris was boiling with rage and crying for the blood of Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash, and every other troll and for the "straightening out" of homosexual males due to all the gay ads in his CWCipedia.
At the beginning of the comic Chris discusses the future, wherein he is to be married to a woman named Lovely Weather and, since he slept with her, he is no longer a virgin. Apparently, homosexuality is such a big problem in the future that Chris was also asked by future scientists to donate some of his "straight" blood so they could use it for a vaccine. Chris, however, hoping to employ it on the homos in the present, sends Magi-Chan back to the future to steal a crate of the vaccine.
Chris moves on to fight some devil trolls who had infested his old website, and then he attacks and destroys 4-cent_garbage.com leaving a hundred people dead in the process, including Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, who are forced to commit suicide.
Chris is then attacked by Naitsirhc, but Chris eventually gets the upper hand and tries out the gay vaccine on him. After Naitsirhc turns back into his old incarnation, Chris declares the vaccine a success, and gives the order to pollute all the drinking water in the world with it, effectually eradicating homosexuality and asexuality (since Chris for some reason does not like that either).
Meg Griffin suddenly turns up and claims to be fan of Sonichu, much to Chris's pleasure. After beating up some random guy who called Meg "sir" and Chris "madam", he cheats on Lovely Weather by making out with her, after her confirming that she is consensual. Unbeknownst to Chris, Meg is really Silvana Rosechu in disguise, and Chris has therefore been trolled.
Once again Chris feels the need to apologize without really apologizing, this time to the homosexuals who might have been offended by the fact that he just committed something comparative to genocide against them. With that out of the way, Chris takes out the Sonichu Balls and transforms into Collosal Chan, and together with Sonichu, now transformed into Ultra Sonichu, sets out to "right some wrongs". Aside from the minor detail of getting Crystal out of the mirror, Hobo Chan's main priority is getting rid of Asperchu, which he does by breaking into Asperchu/Alec Benson Leary's house, fingerbanging his "HEXBox Pavilion" to the breaking point and turning Asperchu and the rest of the comic cast into "improved" versions of themselves.
After this, Hobo-Chan fights Mary Lee Walsh, leaving her completely paralyzed and sentenced to a lifetime in CWCville's maximum-security prison (killing her is out of the question after the Liquid Chris furor). After that, Chris reverts to his human form and gives a speech. Meanwhile, Simonla Rosechu is murdered, and the Asperpedia Four are arrested for the crime. And at the same times as Chris starts giving out blessings and apologies to the Asperpedia Four, they are subjected to a show trial for their crime against him and CWCville, and are brutally executed by the Sonichus, with Chris partaking in Alec's execution by electrocution, and personally carrying out Mao's execution by tearing him apart with his psychic powers.
And so the issue ends with Chris urging everyone to celebrate his masturbatory holiday, Christian Love Day, and leap and dance and sing praise in his name, for great is his wisdom and his benevolence.
Chris has yet to appear in the unfinished Sonichu #11.
- Chris and his Ego
- Christian Weston Chandler – Chris IRL
- Chris-Chan Sonichu – his furry side
- Collosal Chan - the personification of his God complex
- Crystal Weston Chandler – his feminine side
- Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc – his homo side
- Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan – his racist side
- Sammy – his much more honest self-portrait